one am on a saturday, last clove done, a mug of green tea by my side, writing this blog like the trendy fuck that i am. i'd like to start off with friends, i'm sorry i haven't been about much lately, but rowan has been hectic, concerts, rehersals, practicing, you know how it gets this time of year, i'll be back soon. may 8th to be exact. the date of my sophomore profficiency, my last performance major performance exam as a undergrad student. this is what it comes down to for b.a. majors. my work is getting me close to where i need to be, but i'm not quite there yet. 2 weeks from monday. after that stress is off. i'll continue bass lessons as well as provate composition lessons during my stay at rowan but the majority of my required music training is complete, it's mostly gen eds from here, but i'm having a lot more fun than business majors.
pinball show next month, not my favorite thing to look foward to, i've been working my ass off for years to be a legite musician and i play this shit, no offense to q tip, but you know how it is man. fun will be had i guess. i've been gigging solo extensivley for the past month and a half or so. i recorded too early on this project and embarrassed myself, i'm hitting my studio in the next month to record a new demo/press kit. i think this project depresses me more and more by the day. there's no one else to blame for shortcomings in the music, especially in the vocal department. i'm new to recording and i'm new to being a frontman, time is of the essence. i'll say flat out that vocals and lyrics are by far my weakest point, and i will never deny that. i feel that all but two of my songs need rewrites in this department, and will get them. time time time, something i do'nt have much of lately. i've considered just quitting lately, i could play bass for plenty of bands, i know i'm probably the best on the rock scene at the moment, but i don't work well with others, i'd rather take my time and do my own thing. i don't want to reinvent music, just have fun. i'm starting to book mini tours starting in june. so hopefully things go well and maybe i'll have something more than experience to show for it. if i can get my shit together, cross your fingers, something good might juse might happen.
but don't count on it. i'm certainly not. this summer i will most likely be taking classes to get CAD certified, because as a musician you always need something to fall back on. edducation education education. college needs to get out of my way, i need to move out, which would not be financially feasible, while going to school full time. time time, more time. it passes and generally feels wasted. i relax every night to law and order with this mug of green tea and think about life. who i am and where i'm going, no one knows the answers better than yourself.
1. One secret. 2. One compliment. 3. One non-compliment, criticism, or insult. 4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me. 5. Lyrics to your favorite song. 6. How old you are. 7. How long we've been friends. 8. And a hint to who you are. 9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.
For years i've practiced my ass off on bass as well as other instruments, not nearly as much now as i should, but that is another topic. regardless i practice until my fingers are sore, with all this practicing i feel as though some things have never been as beautiful as they should be, but practicing doens't make beauty does it? i took my piano exam the other day and although i got a b it wasn't great. I had a talk with my professor after class and he wastalking about how every studio teacher will tell you to practice more if you want to get better, but he believes that your heart is where it all comes from. Practicing something a million times won't put it under your fingers if you don't love it, that beauty that music should convey has to come from your heart, not from your brain. you don't learn if you don't care, you're heart has to be in it at all times. this editorial brought to you by topher.
"you don't groove like a white boy"
ps. harry chapin is all i can listen to.
pps. i'm done the music and all of the writing for my solo album, if all goes well all recording and production should be done by the new year, i know you care, but pretend. thru composed is the way to go. i have to admit i've give in though, due to my lack of a soundcard at the moment, nearly all instruments are being tracked electronically although the entire work was writting on acoustic guitar and piano. weird goings on.
it's always the little things. I went to buy cloves the other day and as they were out of blacks i opted for the vanilla variety. I hadn't realized how long it's been since i have tasted that, and the memories that it would bring back. the second that flavred tip hit my lips a shiver was sent through my spine that i couldn't seem to shake for a number of minutes. The cigarette fell from my mouth. but that scent rising up had the same effect. i never thought of this taste or scent as this memory yet there it was, sending my mind racing down a path it hasn't been down in weeks. it's when i feel like this that i realize that no one can solve my problems but myself, for i'm the only one that needs to carry this burden of memories. i have my moments of exclusion from the rest of the world. this was one of them. when you say goodbye mean it. forever only lasts for so long.
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infamoustopher's journal
